no. 999,999

ive written about a million of these
rhyming words and forcing verbs
and trying to describe the exact moment
the exact

moment

that i felt the weakness in my knees
the palpitating rhythm of my heart
that you are so unaware of
i am starting to truly believe
you are blind forever
literally.
because i know i cant be yours and i know that you cant be mine
and i know that if i could actually turn back time
that it would play out the exact same way
the exact

same

way

and i tend to say
that if i was forced to do it all over again
i would
but i know that i would probably kiss you more often
i would fall for you harder
a day sooner
and then every day after
and i would catch you
i would catch you more times than i did
and i would love you
deeper
i would fight harder
i would dance longer
i would be stronger
and i would have let you go
sooner
a lot sooner
because i cant shake the feeling you make me feel
when i look at you
by accident
a brutal car accident
ill catch your stare and i swear
to
fucking

God

i die a little more inside
i say im not in love with you
but why cant I seem to get you
to stay the fuck away from me
to get you
to stay the fuck out of my nightmarish dreams
to get you to get me
to just
simply

have

you…